love unknown

I never want to forget yesterday. The nursing home and balloon volleyball with Bubba.

Lunch with Sean and Lisa at a Diner Drive Ins and Dives hotspot.  

sorry, Bub.  You were right about you closing your eyes thing.  But Lisa looks just lovely.  

China’s forgiveness of my rudeheadedness when I got home that afternoon.  Going to Mass with Christina and being healed once again through the presence of Christ within us in the Eucharist. 

 Baking a Resurrection day cake when we got back, Bubba coming home asking to share the kitchen with me. Him making "set your mouth on fiyah" homemade salsa. Happy music on (i.e. Taylor Swift).  The 3 of us in the kitchen-talking and loving in seamless harmony. 

Sean and China talking last night about the reality of Christianity and the choice coming down to whether or not you believe Jesus is truly God and the Savior of the world or a crazy man who claimed divine sonship.  The beauty of baking a cake in the midst of sibling love.  Realizing in those moments how rare and beautiful this kind of experience with one’s siblings is.  How we may not have been able to appreciate one another as much as we could have when we were children, but God has given us another chance to do that before our lives go in whatever direction He takes them one day away from one another.  How sweet and beautiful and heart rending it is, for the very reason that it won’t last forever.  And these are precious moments.  Moments to cherish and treasure in our hearts for all time.  How we have a little practice for the communion of our souls here on earth as siblings before the real real deal in Heaven.   

I never want to forget this day or these moments from Heaven.  I never want to forget Bubba and I sharing coffee in the morning, and our “freshly brewed today” sign that made Sean think of Momma and how I got my note writing style from her.  

Because it’s not just “brewed today”.  No, no, no.  It is freshly brewed today.  We like words like fresh, and homemade, and from scratch.  It makes us feel like down home girls who know the difference between store bought and homemade icing.  And we do. I tell you what, icing can make or break a cake.  Believe you me.  

I never want to forget the nights we were all at our place in the living room doing our own little things, but looking up from them to laugh at old songs from our childhood that we rediscovered.

I never want to forget hearing the door open when I am tucked away in bed reading, and being thankful that they made it home safely.  And how Sean  comes in with a quiet knock reminiscent of my dad’s quiet taps on the door to shoot the bull and ask me with true tender care of a little brother “how are you doing?”. Or to read me a quote he found about the beauty of each moment that God gives us.

I never want to forget coming home to Christina on her computer in the living room, and talking with her of the little and big things in life. Of tears turned to laughter. Of hugs that comfort and console and remind us of my momma's hugs that were always there when we need them.  

I never want to forget that they come into my room to talk, and how their eyes and mine always wander to the canopy picture wall, and how the pictures stir up some sweet or humorous memory that leads into more lovely moments of sibling harmony.  

I never want to forget how Sean texts Christina and me when it's late and he is home and one of us isn't yet, just to make sure we are okay.  

I never want to forget Christina's crazy healthy morning smoothies (think Rocky but healthier and more hard core), and how she so lovingly tries to convince us to partake in a healthier food lifestyle, because she wants us to live longer. With some success, might I add. I eat heaps of spinach now. Heaps.

I never want to forget Sean's purple flowers strewn purposefully in jars all about our house as a Valentine's gift to his unbelievably blessed sisters. Or the bottle of champagne he bought us for that heartsy pinky day, or the night he took me out the weekend before Valentine's for beers under the all-encompassing umbrella of "it's your Valentine's present". When really, he just loves me, and knows how to treat a lady.  

I never want to forget the feeling of triumph when I make something that Sean truly likes eating. It is like the chase of the white stag for the Narnians. If I succeed in catching it, It's as if some wish I make shall be granted.  

I never want to forget praying rosaries with them in the living room. For Mimi, for Sophia's pneumonia, for family and friends and any intention that pops into our heads. I never want to forget going to St. James with them. Or being there not knowing they are there, and then seeing one of them come up to receive the Eucharist, and know a sense of home and comfort by just seeing them partake of the Body and Blood of Jesus.  

I never want to forget being home in Austin and talking to them both on the phone shortly after Mimi had been called Home. Knowing that they were there together. Praying together and comforting each other. Hearing Sean's choked up voice telling me that she is happy. She is free. Praise God we have that comfort, Elisa. She knows real Joy now.

To try and capture these moments is to try and catch a wave of beauty upon the sand of life. The ebb and flow of the tides of our time on this earth spurn our efforts to control and shape them and make them do what we want them to do. This living situation with my siblings is solid proof of the existence of God, in my humble opinion. We did not plan this set up as it is. We did not expect it. We did not order it special delivery from Heaven's store of Blessings. I certainly did not, at least. Thy Will be Done, was what I asked. And His Will is done.  And He saw that it was Good. Beautiful. Healing. Precious.

And I don't need to add the disclaimer that of course it is never perfect, because duh. We are humans. And we don't always walk in the harmony intended for us. But Love keeps us together (is that a song or something?). Love brings us home to one another and allows Peace to reign. He teaches us to forgive one another's imperfections and accept one another for the flawed beings that we are. And then He fills us with His Love for each other. 

He blessed us with the parents He did and they taught us, not how to be perfect, but Who to go to in order to learn how to Love. They didn't do everything right, but they loved us as much as any parents could. They gave us the One Who could get us through this life in a beautiful way. In the way that humans were intended to make it through. They offered us a real relationship with Jesus. And through Him, all things are possible. Including the best roommate situation I have ever known.

I cannot catch this glorious, ever-changing cloud of Blessing and pin it down. But I can record it on this little blog so I won't soon forget that the Lord is Faithful and generous and Merciful. Slow to anger and abounding in Loving Kindness.

Happy Resurrection Day, you lovely and infinitely Loved human!!!


p.s. Guess what?!??!??!?!??!?!?!??!?!??!?!?????