to begin my post with the beginning of my post i report that i have been unmotivated to blog for the past week. i blame reality, which has not been spurring me to output in this bloggish fashion. but, it has been motivating me to be more grateful than usual. it has moved me to be more honest with myself. it has been infused with abundant grace. life is good. not perfect, not easy, not pleasant feeling a lot of the time. just very good.
my dear Mimi was diagnosed with cancer and will not be receiving treatment. her body could not handle it, and neither could her spirit. from what i understand, she is beginning to embrace the freedom that leaving this life will, by the mercy of our Beloved, give her. for that i am completely grateful. it has been a prayer of my heart for a while now, and the Lord is Faithful, abounding in Love.
when i was thinking of my little grandmother lying in the hospital bed, i had this moment of realization. i thought of how the Creator must see her. He sees with the eyes of Love, and through the eyes of Love she is as precious as she was when she was a newborn. He Loves her more beautifully and tenderly than any parent loved their child. and He knows everything about her, and cherishes her infinitely. just as He does with all of His children. not because we deserve it. humans never have and never shall deserve the Love of our Lord. but, He never asked us to earn it. it was always free.
He looks at Mimi, little, frail, wrinkled and white haired as she is, and He sees His little girl. His beloved little girl that He created just to be with Him for eternity. and He saw her in these moments of sadness, pain and suffering from eternity, and couldn’t leave her alone. He became man so Mimi would not be alone in her suffering, and that there may be life after her death. “Death is swallowed up in victory. Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?” (1 Corinthians 15: 54-55).
and this is our strength and joy and happiness. because without Christ, there is no hope for the future. He offers Himself to all of us in the Eucharist, to be Food for our journey to Him. and we need it because word on the street is 10 out of 10 people die. we were made for eternity, and so death is foreign and frightening. we were meant for life.
i could write pages and pages about the Incarnation and how much more we should be walking around stunned and in awe all of the time. God came to earth. Jesus left heaven so that we could be with Him forever. so that suffering and death did not have the power over us that we gave it when we turned away from God and towards ourselves. my brain and my soul cannot handle the Goodness.
my dear Mimi was diagnosed with cancer and will not be receiving treatment. her body could not handle it, and neither could her spirit. from what i understand, she is beginning to embrace the freedom that leaving this life will, by the mercy of our Beloved, give her. for that i am completely grateful. it has been a prayer of my heart for a while now, and the Lord is Faithful, abounding in Love.
when i was thinking of my little grandmother lying in the hospital bed, i had this moment of realization. i thought of how the Creator must see her. He sees with the eyes of Love, and through the eyes of Love she is as precious as she was when she was a newborn. He Loves her more beautifully and tenderly than any parent loved their child. and He knows everything about her, and cherishes her infinitely. just as He does with all of His children. not because we deserve it. humans never have and never shall deserve the Love of our Lord. but, He never asked us to earn it. it was always free.
He looks at Mimi, little, frail, wrinkled and white haired as she is, and He sees His little girl. His beloved little girl that He created just to be with Him for eternity. and He saw her in these moments of sadness, pain and suffering from eternity, and couldn’t leave her alone. He became man so Mimi would not be alone in her suffering, and that there may be life after her death. “Death is swallowed up in victory. Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?” (1 Corinthians 15: 54-55).
and this is our strength and joy and happiness. because without Christ, there is no hope for the future. He offers Himself to all of us in the Eucharist, to be Food for our journey to Him. and we need it because word on the street is 10 out of 10 people die. we were made for eternity, and so death is foreign and frightening. we were meant for life.
i could write pages and pages about the Incarnation and how much more we should be walking around stunned and in awe all of the time. God came to earth. Jesus left heaven so that we could be with Him forever. so that suffering and death did not have the power over us that we gave it when we turned away from God and towards ourselves. my brain and my soul cannot handle the Goodness.
tangent over.
like the rest of our race, i am so sad at the thought of losing Mimi. i am sad for my momma’s pain, and that of her siblings. i want very much to be there. to hold her cold (her hands, like mine, are usually cold), wrinkly hand and pray the chaplet of Divine Mercy with her.
like the rest of our race, i am so sad at the thought of losing Mimi. i am sad for my momma’s pain, and that of her siblings. i want very much to be there. to hold her cold (her hands, like mine, are usually cold), wrinkly hand and pray the chaplet of Divine Mercy with her.
Mimi and I were first bonded through prayer and that is an unbreakable bond. i have watched her suffer, i have watched her laugh at herself in the midst of pain, i have rocked on the front porch chairs with her as the wind made the feathers of her snowy hair sway. we are dear old friends, 60 years apart in age, united by the Creator of time. old souls that yearn for eternal beauty, dancing and laughter. i am so happy she will dance again. she will sing again and see again. all is well. all will be well.
but, the quiet presence of a new sadness i have not yet known has settled in, and has given life a different perspective. a new color to add to the rainbow. my sadness is eclipsed by the light of Resurrection, but it will not be completely banished. and i don’t think it should be in this life.
the bottom line is that Mimi is in the arms of her Beloved Savior, as she has been since the time when only He knew of her existence. as we all are. and she is on her way Home, as we all are. life, indeed, is beautiful. Amen.
please pray for Mimi, my mom and our family.
bridge to second portion of blog
along with this new pain, the Lord offered us beautiful moments of life this weekend and allowed us little sweet samples of Heaven’s flavors.
moments of family, and the beauty of this world He gave us to enjoy.
 |
| best siblings a girl could ask for |
these moments were sweeter and clearer for me than ever before. everywhere i looked He was there.
in the face of my sweetest and dearest of Sophias.
 |
| i am obsessed with this face |
in her laughter and the thrill she got walking over apples.
in my siblings being all together sharing these unforgettable moments.
in the beam of sunshine that came out to say hello on that one spot on the hillside of many colors.
in the beautiful apples that He created just for our eating pleasure.
 |
| going in for the kill |
reminding us that all is gift. and the same Hand that offers the beauty, offers the sadness and reminds us that we were made for more than what this life can give us.
beauty, i tell you, we bathed in it.
oh, and then He gave us doughnuts. bubba and i dig that tube of sugary friedy deliciousness.
momma always had doughnuts on Sunday morning for us. these suckers were homemade by this guy who worked his bakery out of his house. the best doughnuts homeslices have ever laid taste buds on. we bought upwards of 40. don’t judge. the guy is like an hour drive from us. apple cider, pumpkin, and old fashion flavored. enough said.
they are happily hibernating in the freezer that Resurrection day morning comes and their presence is requested to help us celebrate.
and the beauty of making baked goods out of fruits one has gathered with ones own hands (or bubba has picked up off the ground because they were the only good green ones left in the entire orchard) is sweet indeed.
sweet like this apple-of-your-eye pie that i baked today.
while the little bear napped and danced and read in our home. yep, we got second helpings of Sophia and Lianna this weekend. because Jesus Loves us.
welp, little did you know, you were in for a doozy of a post. happy new week, and last week of October, and almost ONE WEEK until the Feast of All Saints. i’m stoked. i hope you are, too.
I read this post awhile back and have wanted to tell you HOW MUCH it touched me. The words you spoke about Mimi and our heavenly Father were incredibly beautiful and deeply moving. I decided I just couldn't keep this goodness to myself, so I shared it with others in the family- I hope you don't mind -You truly have an AMAZING gift. P.S. The pics at the apple orchard are priceless! What fun! =) Love you my sweet fousin, shelly
ReplyDelete